Addiction is a monster. It is not pleasing. It is not fun. It is not exciting. It is brutal and painful and it damages everything and everyone you’ve ever loved. It is a virus, a sickness, and it is important for me to offer as much knowledge about this disease as possible.
I have explained to you that I was going to be brutally honest, and that is what I will continue to do. Here is a list of things that they don’t tell you about cocaine addiction. Understand that these “facts” are solely from my personal experiences and may not relate to everyone. With that being said, I hope this information will help open your eyes to the scary truth of cocaine addiction.
1) You Feel Completely Unstoppable
This is very true! While high, I felt as if I could stop a runaway train with my bare hands. It is what I call false energy. Your body suddenly gets this incredible burst of energy. It’s almost as if your body is preparing for hibernation. It’ll exert so much energy, just to crash and shut down immediately afterward.
2) The Best Cure Seems To Be More Drugs
I know that this sounds insane, but please hear me out. During one of my many moments of withdrawal, I would do almost anything to relieve the pain. If it meant taking more drugs or pacifying my pain with sex, I needed a high of any kind. The best way for me to alleviate my pain and craving is to give my body what it wants, more of the same drug.
This is a vicious cycle that I was trapped in for far too long; take the drug, feel good, crash and burn, understand that it was the drug’s fault, body urges for more, take the drug again. Around and around I went, trying to simply stay alive.
3)You Will Do ANYTHING To Feed Your Addiction
Addiction is extremely powerful. It dictates your thoughts and actions. When you find yourself in a situation in which you cannot feed the addiction, your inhibitions are thrown out of the window. You will think of the craziest act in order to get a hit.
For me, the worst thing I did for a high was helping to stage a robbery. At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal. I was tweaking bad, and I needed to get high. I ran out of money and a housemate suggested we rob the local gas station. It was nearly three in the morning when we ran in. The leader shoved a gun in the clerk’s face and I grabbed the cash from the register. The clerk tried to stop me by reaching for my hand, but I jumped back and punched him in the face. He fell to the floor, grabbing his nose and we bolted out of the store. The guilt didn’t set in until after I came down from my high, the next day.
4)Hallucinations Are Very Real
Many people believe that hallucinations are a joke, but they are nothing to laugh about. I used to hallucinate quite often while in withdrawal. Usually, I would see green and blue bananas dancing around in front of me. They would dance around in circles until they began to melt away as if they were exposed to extreme heat.
In other instances, I’ve hallucinated that millions of baby spiders were crawling from underneath my skin. I nearly drove myself insane constantly trying to scratch away the invisible spiders. I scratched so hard and so often that I broke the skin in several places. I still have some of the scars.